Put the Cookie Down….

So it’s been a few days or even weeks since you dropped your child off at school and you might still be struggling with your “new normal”.

You may be telling yourself things like:

• Snap out of it already!
• What is wrong with you- get over it!
• Everyone else seems to be doing just fine, why can’t you just move on.

I know I harp on this a lot but seriously- would you talk to a friend like this? I doubt it. The worst part is you may not even realize you are speaking to yourself in this way(or in any way whatsoever) …. but you are, and guess what?

You may not be paying attention- but you are listening. 

Maybe you aren’t aware of your self-talk, but you may have noticed some of the behaviors that you are engaging in.
• Are you finding yourself standing in the pantry with a handful of chips that you aren’t even hungry for?
• Maybe you are pouring a second (or third) glass of wine?
• Perhaps you are zoning out in front of the tv or computer screen or shopping for things you neither want or need.

These are all coping mechanisms that we employ to numb ourselves when we don’t know what else to do with the discomfort or pain we are feeling. And while they give us relief in the moment, they don’t work long term.

So what does? Well, you aren’t going to like it, but the answer is that rather than running from the pain I would ask you to lean into it. When you find yourself with a cookie in your hand or about to hit pay now on that Bass-O-Matic 2000, ask yourself a couple of questions:

• What am I avoiding?
• What is it I am trying not to feel?
• What’s so bad about those feelings?

One thing I have found as a coach is that we are often so afraid of experiencing a “negative” feeling that we avoid it at all costs. The problem with this approach is it doesn’t work. We can’t avoid our feelings forever and we actually create a new set of problems (debt, weight gain, perhaps a teeny tiny addiction to alcohol, oreos or the worst of all, the Real Housewives).

If you are sad- it’s o.k. You are adjusting to a life change and that takes time. If you feel like you aren’t sure where to turn or what to do next that is o.k, too.

However, if you find yourself doing a lot of “shoulding”, pay attention

“Shoulding” sounds like this:

• I should be feeling better by now
• I should be happy for my child (and if I’m sad that means I’m not happy for them)
• I should know what I want to do with my life now that I have some free time
• I should not eat a box of oreos when I’m sad (I agree- maybe just a few though- I mean let’s not get all puritanical here- small doses of things that make you happy are perfectly acceptable. In fact, part of my coaching practice consists of treating yourself very kindly and rewarding for even the smallest steps forward).

If you are engaging in these behaviors or you just feel stuck- perhaps it’s time to give me a call. I am a master at untangling the shoulds and getting you back to eating a regular serving size of your favorite cookie.