Merry Christmas

What happens when the best laid plans go awry?

I have to admit I’m a pretty organized person when it comes to the holidays and with my life in general. I have been known to have my Christmas Cards signed, sealed and stamped on Thanksgiving weekend.

But there are some years when it just doesn’t work out that way… and this is one of those years… my life took an unexpected turn this October when my daughter’s autoimmune disorder was no longer in control and she came home unexpectedly from school to recover. And that was the beginning… of doctor visits and elimination diets, medications and supplements and lots of blood work, then more doctor visits, more tests and well… you get the picture.

And then I got sick… not horribly ill, just a nasty sinus infection. I went as long as I could until I knew I needed to see the doctor myself. He put me on what was meant to be a short course of antibiotics that turned into a 2 week nightmare of fever, pain and finally a steroid to counteract the “serum sickness” I had developed. It was a painful wake up call for me, one I am still feeling the after effects of. I have had some major aha moments – the kind you get when you are flat on your back, helpless and in pain. It gave me the kind of empathy for my daughter (and for anyone who suffers from health issues) that I never knew before. I’ve always been able to push through… but not this time… this time my body said uncle and I had no choice but to submit.

So why am I telling you this? Because, most days I post quotes on my fb page- optimistic, happy, encouraging quotes to motivate and hopefully lift you all up. And as I was reading one of them today I realized that you all may be thinking… “yeah, you don’t know what I’ve been going through” and it’s true… I don’t.

Here’s what I do know: some seasons are harder than others and sometimes you need help and grace. And then a little more help and a little more grace (especially for yourself who, if you’re anything like me you might be a little impatient with during a difficult time)

When I was just coming back from what felt like the brink and I realized I had fallen behind in work, in my personal life, and OHMG…Christmas! I had a choice- to get very busy, very quickly and run myself ragged or … lean into what was happening- I was sick and needed rest.  I chose rest. I chose myself. I chose being present with  my family and letting some “Sacred Christmas Cows” go for this year. One of those cows is our annual Christmas Card.

I’m not gonna lie- letting go has been hard sometimes. I like the cards, and the presents, and the food and the festivities that go along with the holidays. I’ve embraced Amazon and I’m thankful for Prime with 2 day free shipping. I have also asked for more help and grace than I am normally comfortable with. And I’ve gotten an awful lot of coaching about what I have made this all mean. 

I hope this holiday finds you happy and healthy and joyful… and if not, I hope you can find comfort in the fact that you are not alone and that there is peace to be had even in the most trying of times. I know because I’m still there- with a sick kid, a job I am passionate about but have had to neglect a bit, friends and family whom I love but are hurting, and no Christmas Card being sent for the first time in 25 years.

I am embracing what is true right now (this is one of my favorite life coach tricks) This is just listing all the things that you know are true right now in this moment. It helps me to stay in the present and reminds me of all I have to be grateful for. What would that be for you? Here’s what it looks like for me:

Right now I am sitting in my warm, dry comfortable home with my husband who is living out his passion and purpose and my daughter who, while not perfectly well, is getting good medical care and embracing her health as her own. My son will be coming over later for our tradition of dinner and our favorite Christmas movie. I am grateful that he lives back in Atlanta and I get to see him a few times a week. I am writing a Christmas letter to my “peeps” who have encouraged and inspired me all year. I have a beautiful dinner planned for tonight and presents under the tree. I have family and friends who love and support me and make my life fun and interesting.I have  a job that makes me want to jump out of bed every morning. I have a faith that makes it possible for me to believe in the power of love and the possibility of grace and growth.

I would ask you to take a moment to list what is true right now, in this moment.It’s hard to stay in the present sometimes… but the future is uncertain and it is where all anxiety lives so I caution you to stay here in the now. I wish you the Happiest of Holidays, my friends, and if peace is hard to come by please don’t hesitate to reach out.

xoxo
m.e.