I’ve been thinking a lot about my friends who will soon be dropping kids off at college and what advice I’d give, especially to my oldest friend who will be making the trek to Tuscaloosa shortly.
Here is what I came up with:
It probably won’t go the way you think it will
So here is my advice for move in day:
Go to one of those schools where move in day is a big party! My son matriculated at High Point University where we were greeted by a reggae band and no less than 8 smiling, muscular boys who descended on our SUV and had it stripped bare within a matter of minutes. Seriously, I walked into Joey’s dorm room carrying my purse. I highly recommend you send your kid to one of these kinds of schools. Oh, you say it’s too late for that? Well then, have a seat and buckle up because it’s gonna be a hot, bumpy ride, my friend.
Here is what you should know:
You will be moving your child in with every other panicky freshman (and their equally panicky parents) on what will assuredly be the hottest day on record. Oh and it will likely rain. I know this because my daughter did NOT go to HPU and most of my friends’ children didn’t either. And amazingly all of us over the years and across this great country of ours have moved in little Jenny or Mathew on “the hottest day there ever was in all the days ever known.”
You will try to get there early thinking this will give you a jump on all the other people who have chosen to sleep in. You will be wrong. Everyone else had the same idea. And because the campus is not meant to have 2,000 cars all vying for the same 5 spots in front of each dorm, you will wait. And wait. And wait. When you finally get close enough to send your husband and your child up with the first of your many loads of crap, you will find that the elevators are broken and that the air conditioning in the dorm is insufficient to deal with the opening and closing of the doors on the hottest day on record, ever.
When you are finally able to get in the room and begin to unpack you will realize that there are likely at least 4 (and quite possibly) 6 of you in a room that the Geneva Convention would deem unacceptably small for even one person (even one accused of heinous crimes against humanity) let alone two to occupy. At this point it is best to send the dads on an errand. Any errand will do, and frankly the more, the better. Don’t worry. You will soon realize all the things you forgot, thus making it necessary to keep daddy at Target for the duration.
There are major differences between moving in a girl and a boy.
If you have a boy it goes like this:
Me: Where should I put your clothes?
Joey: (mumbling) I don’t know? Wherever? You can just leave them in the bags.
Me: You need to put them away. If you leave them in the bags there is no room to walk around.
Joey: Whatever.
Me: Can we make your bed at least?
Joey: Whatever…
So basically if you are dropping off a boy you will flutter around trying to put perfume on a pig, so to speak, and your kid won’t give a whit about it.
When you drop your daughter off it will be a troop movement with matching comforters,pinterest projects, twinkly lights, and pictures put up everywhere. The room will be lovely and you, my friend will need not only a drink, but quite possibly a quiet room at the sanitarium for several days.
I wish I was kidding.
Because I am in the business of helping, and since I truly love you, here is the best advice from both me and my “been there, done that, somehow survived it” posse of awesome moms:
Get the lay of the land! If you know anyone who has recently moved a child in at your chosen college, call them. This is the time to get as much info as possible. Should you come early? Come late? What is the best way to get your gear up and down the stairs? One of my friends had a hand truck she let me borrow (prior to moving in at FSU I didn’t even know what this was!) Don’t be shy, we seasoned veterans love to share our tips and tricks!
Find out what is the norm at your chosen school. At some schools loft beds and futons are de rigueur while at others no one has heard of a futon and lofting is strictly prohibited.
Do not dress cute.… I cannot emphasize this enough. YOU WILL BE HOT AND SWEATY. DRESS ACCORDINGLY. Wear the most cool and comfortable clothing that modesty will allow. I suggest ponytails and a hat to hide the fact that your hair has become reminiscent of Roseanne,Rosenna Danna. You’re welcome.
Do not expect overflowing gratitude to pour from their mouths, do not expect them to even be remotely civil at the end of the day nor for you to feel civil towards them. (this is from a friend who would like to remain anonymous)
From the same friend: The excitement you feel is not how they feel… They are scared, they express that in eye rolls and harrumphs ( do not dismiss these wise words… there is a tremendous amount of anxiety from all sides and any harsh words, smarmy comments and nasty looks should be taken with a grain of salt…at least that is what I told my husband when he said my sighing was getting on his last nerve)
Prepare yourself. For the inevitable. From forgotten pillows to health forms that never got mailed. Something will go wrong – don’t sweat it. In a year you will laugh about it. I promise. Move in days make for great stories.
Do not view move in as an all or nothing proposition. Thanks to Amazon almost anything can be shipped and be there in a matter of days (in some cases even hours). We moms tend to get wrapped up in making it perfect… this will cause tremendous angst (spoken from a recovering perfectionist)
One more note about “getting it all right” and being “ready”. You won’t. Your kids won’t. You will forget to tell them something important, or teach them how to do something they will need to know. Welcome to Parenting the College Freshman 101. I wish I had a dollar for every time one of my kids told me I hadn’t prepared them for…. Fill in the blank: laundry, roommates with issues, roommates of any kind, cleaning up after themselves, getting themselves fed on a regular basis, and the list goes on and on.
The good news is – you aren’t done being a parent. The bad news is- you aren’t done being a parent. You get second (and third and fourth) chances.
Oh… and you have me…. your Empty Nest Life Coach…
Do you have some nagging concerns? Fears about what’s to come? Hop on the phone with me for 15 minutes and I’ll show you how to untangle one of your dilemmas. Click here