What Not to Do After Dropping Your kid off at College

When I was getting ready to take my youngest to college the best advice my friend Terri Jo gave me was this: Do not go into her room for a while.

I was lucky, as Grace’s room was out of the flow of traffic in our home. I didn’t have to see the remnants of the life she had led; the pictures all over the wall of her and her friends smiling and happy. The reminders of Friday Night Lights, braiding her hair before the games as she got ready to cheer. The clothes haphazardly tossed on the floor , makeup and ribbons tossed about waiting for her to come home.

I was tempted, though. I wanted to go in and look at the magnetized wall we painted during the snow storm in 2011. Covered in pictures, it showed her high school life- from her first homecoming dance still sporting braces to her senior prom and all the memories in between. I wanted to go and stare at that wall and… wallow.

What about you? Are you ready to create a shrine to the child who has left?

Or maybe the opposite? You may want to get in there and clean it up and turn it into a home gym, office, or sewing room.

I sort of vacillated between the two… and after a few days I did find myself in that pretty pale purple room, staring at the pictures on the walls and feeling a little nostalgic (o.k.- maybe a LOT nostalgic). And then… I looked around … at the mess she left behind. So I started to clean and organize (which is what I do best when I’m sad, anxious and feeling out of control of my life).

And the truth is, it did distract me…. for a bit.

But the greater truth is this- you can’t hide from the pain. It will eventually catch up to you.
And what I’ve learned is : the actual pain isn’t really that bad. The fear of it was wayyy worse than the facing of it.

Once I acknowledged that it was sad and life was different I could begin to see  all the possibilities in front of me.  We tend to want to suppress the painful thoughts that pop up rather than face them. We fear that if we let ourselves feel that pain the tears will never stop. I have found that leaning into the pain actually allows it to move through us more quickly. The longer we try to push it down, the longer the grief stays (and keeps us stuck).

So I started to do some things I hadn’t been able to do before. I began small… I cleaned out the pantry and told my husband I was finally going to cook and eat in a way that felt better to me. And surprisingly he was on board. And that was the beginning of a new and better way of not only eating, but living.

And then I started to pay attention… to the signs and signals all around me. And guess what? They led me here… to a new career; here, to you through this blog.

Are you afraid of what the Empty Nest might bring? Are you struggling to see “what’s next” for you? Let me help you navigate what might just be the most exciting, creative phase of your life! Click here for your free call with me.. I can help you go from struggle to success!